Traditional Stages of Courtship in the Philippines

“All you need is love.”

The famous saying comes from a song by the English rock band the Beatles, implying that as long as you have love, anything is possible — including lasting relationships. While that gesture is sweet, being in love with each other is not the only thing you need to start a relationship.

In the Philippines, the action of courtship has been influenced by their Spanish history, which includes being conservative in nature. But modern days of instant messaging and online dating have changed the ways in which many women are courted.

And while some don’t mind being courted online, they still hold on to the traditional notion that dating must be done in stages. In which case, knowing what these stages are can greatly help you in pursuing a Filipina.

Stage 1: Teasing

The first stage is letting her know you are interested in her through a series of hints and light teasing. For example, when getting to know each other, you would listen to her stories of embarrassment and laughter, from there you can come up with funny nicknames for her.

This is the stage when you ask her to hang out, whether on an official date or just as friends. Your objective is to get to know her better, so it shouldn’t be a big deal if you hang out with her as well as her friends. Getting to know her friends is important because you could be asking their advice if you want to later pursue her.

There is a Filipino tradition called harana, which is serenading the girl after you have gotten to know her better. This is where establishing a good relationship with her friends is helpful since they can also help you with your serenade.

Stage 2: Confession

The next stage is confessing your feelings and laying down your intentions to her. So after you two have gotten pretty close and you’ve hinted to her that you are interested in dating her, the next step is making her know of your true feelings.

Confessing to her should not be treated with little effort, you have to show her how seriously you feel about her and ask her if she would like to take your friendship to the next level.

You could do it simply by taking her to a quiet place or restaurant and being honest about your feelings.

If you’re feeling creative, you could tell her through a poem or a song.

Be mindful of what her response is; if she asks you to wait for a while for her response then give her space. A confession of feelings is emotional for any woman so she needs time to talk it out with her family and friends and evaluate if she feels the same thing as you do.

But after she has done thinking about your confession and replies back that she is willing to take the next stage with you, then you are ready to be serious in the relationship.

Stage 3: Dating

Now that you were able to make your intentions clear and were met with acceptance, what comes next? Go on more dates with her.

You will now be able to learn more about her interests and her culture/traditions the more dates you go with her.

In Philippine culture, it is natural for the woman to introduce the man she is dating to her parents. This is because she views them with high respect and wants their opinion on the man she is dating.

Also for intimacy, most Filipina women are conservative and would avoid sex before marriage but depending on modern times, it would be wise to talk to her about her opinion about intimacy.

When courting a Filipina woman, it can be difficult to know what your status is with her unless you ask her outright. By knowing the different stages of courtship in the Philippines, you can understand which stage you belong to and determine how to advance to the next.